My blog has been suffering again. It's hard to get to the computer to type and have coherent thoughts while learning how to be Momma to TWO daughters! YES, two!!! I'm ashamed to say I haven't even posted about her arrival. What a terrible blogging mom I am. (I'll have a post just about her big day soon)
It's a tricky balance for me right now, but we are managing to do more than survive. We've actually been pretty busy. And, when we aren't going from here to there in a mad flurry of bows, diapers, burp rags, and Barbies, we're at the house nursing and playing. I love having two daughters. It truly is a dream (that I never had) come true! It is an absolute blessing and I love almost every minute of it. Hey, I'm just being honest here. I don't really enjoy the times when EK has to go potty and I'm right in the middle of feeding Ana Beth. That's a little crazy. But, we can do it.
I'm learning even more about multitasking. I really thought I kinda had that down to an art form. Not so! There's even more to learn. All my friends who have more children than I do are nodding their heads at me right now. I'm also learning that my oldest can do WAY more on her own than I gave her credit for. She's such a big girl and an amazing big sister and helper! She has become an even bigger blessing to me in these past 6 weeks! I'm such a blessed woman to have Elliana as my precious first-born.
On that note--through having another child, I am remembering our first time around with a newborn so much more clearly than before. I have remembered things about Elli Kate that I absolutely adored and had forgotten about. I loved how her downy soft hair felt on my face as I nuzzled her. I forgot how thoroughly intoxicating the smell of a freshly bathed baby smells. I forgot how those little sighs and noises are so comforting to hear at night. And, I now remember how precious baby's breath feels on my neck. I'm storing up all these memories in a more secure place this time around. I don't want to ever forget these times with my children. I can't explain it, but my heart is just so FULL and overflowing with love for these two completely different human beings. It's amazing, truly.
When we first found out we were pregnant, I was both filled with excitement and gladness and also with fear. I was so afraid that the grip of depression that I worked so hard and prayed so hard to be released from would come back and steal this experience from me too. I hated the thought of that. But, I talked to my friends and assembled the troops to start gathering around me in prayer. Pregnancy wasn't the issue. It was during the postpardom period when I fell into the deep hole of depression last time. So, I needed the 9 months of prayer my friends and family could provide. I needed I large thorny hedge to ward off the Enemy. And, as the last month approached, I could feel myself getting more and more anxious about the next phase of life. But, as always God through the Holy Spirit reminds me of His Word hidden in my heart. He says not to be anxious about anything, but to present my requests to Him and He will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. And, also that me being obsessed about her little fragile life and worrying about her all the time won't even add a single second to the time God has planned for her to live on this earth. Those words calmed me more than I could have imagined. I relaxed in the Lord and prayed then that God would let me enjoy every minute that we get to spend together in this life and that He'd preserve and save my girls so that they can enjoy the presence of God in the life to come.
God is so good, isn't He?!
